Comparative Kisses
by SandyKirsten
Summary: Each one of Rayna's first kisses comes with different feelings and emotions. CHAPTER 7 - DEACON Part Three - is up! The events that lead of to the infamous kiss on Deacon's porch.
1. Her First Kiss

**Comparative Kisses**

 _ **Chapter 1 – Rayna's First Kiss**_

 _ **Disclaimer:**_ _All recognizable characters belong to the genius mind of Callie Khouri._

 _ **A/N:**_ _I am completely intimidated by the caliber of writers in the fanfic forum of Nashville. I am continually impressed by the stories that get published here. I can only hope those who take a chance and actually read this story will enjoy it as much as I liked imagining it. This is my first Nashville story so hoping I did it justice._

It's so hard not to compare. It was something that she never wanted to do, but secretly, always did. She couldn't help herself. I guess when you experience your most intense relationship at the beginning of your sexual life, there is nowhere to go from there that won't be disappointing.

Her very first kiss was Kyle Overstreet, III. Yes, he was a third generation Overstreet, born and bred in Belle Meade, playing tennis and sharing family dinners at the country club. The build up to that kiss was elongated with the childish he said/she said games they played with their friends. One cool evening, as their parents settled into after dinner drinks in the oversized parlor, Tandy covered her whereabouts as she headed into the night with Kyle.

As an adult when she looks back at that moment, she realizes the similarities between Kyle and Teddy. Besides the fact that their backgrounds were similar, their actions were spurred only by well taught manners and high society traditions.

As they walked along side one another, careful their bodies did not touch and create more of an awkward awareness that already filled the muggy June night air. They walked in an uncomfortable silence; at least Rayna was uncomfortable, scared and excited of what was to come.

She saw enough movies that seemed to give her the education she needed. She had enough girlfriends who had already experienced their first kiss to know that it wasn't just lips that were involved. And she had Tandy. It was times like this she was grateful to have Tandy.

French kissing was a term she had never heard before Tandy gave her the proper explanation. Tandy was older, and although extremely proper most of the time, she had some experience in this department. Tandy explained there was a pace that needed to met and a circular motion that was to be achieved. All these thoughts were circling her mind, as they approached the metal fence of the tennis courts.

Then there was an awkward exchange of words. Rayna would never forget how weird this moment was because all that was going through her mind was her unparalleled fear of screwing this up. She knew Kyle liked her. Her friend Molly told her over and over that he wanted this to happen for months now.

Rayna's back was against the fence and as Kyle faced her making small talk, her nerves were skyrocketed. Then Kyle, rich in life and rich in confidence, addressed what was about to happen. "Rayna, you know why I wanted to take this walk?" Rayna's knees went weak, fearful of the unknown. She nodded, her words escaping her. Kyle took one of her hands in his, their fingers interlacing. "Okay. Good."

Then he leaned in and Rayna leaned a little to the right. Their lips connected and there weren't the fireworks she thought there would be. She knew television kisses ruined it for her. Then she was completely taken off guard as she felt his tongue probe at her lips. As soon as she parted them, his tongue met with hers and she couldn't help but feel a little invaded. She quickly recovered and remembered – circular motion. Tandy said there was a circular motion involved. As quickly as that thought entered her mind, Kyle started to swirl his tongue around hers. She prayed to the heavens above she was doing it right.

She imagined that most first kisses went something like this. What she quickly learned was that first kisses with other people still brought butterflies, but of a different kind.

-Please review!

I realize this first chapter is a little bit boring, but it will pick up as the chapters ahead deal with Teddy, Liam, Luke and Deacon.


	2. Teddy

**Comparative Kisses**

 **Chapter 2 – Teddy**

 _ **Disclaimer:**_ _All recognizable characters belong to the genius mind of Callie Khouri._

 _ **A/N:**_ _I really hope the buildup wasn't too much here._

Rayna's first kiss with Teddy was a mixture of so many emotions. She was so tentative about it, so unsure of where it would lead. She was not ready to jump into another serious relationship at the time, but Teddy was not the type of guy you casually date. She went out with Teddy three times before their first kiss. This was a totally new experience for her, wondering if a physical connection was ever going to be made. She knew he was a gentleman and could sense his hesitance, but she wasn't sure if it was because he was unsure about the kiss or unsure about their developing relationship.

The night she met Teddy, she was at the country club celebrating Tandy's birthday. If it wasn't for Tandy, she would have never gone back there, but Tandy begged so she obliged. People started to recognize her as each tour she did gained more traction. As much as she loved being in the spotlight on stage, she hated her private life being constantly documented. If the country club offered one positive, it would be that everyone there knew her already. She wasn't Rayna Jaymes there. She was Rayna Wyatt.

She stood at the bar sipping a vodka soda, pondering the fact that she hadn't had the luxury of having a drink at a bar for several years now. She never wanted to promote drinking when Deacon constantly had to fight those demons.

She was staring across the bar, watching Tandy flirt with her Vanderbilt boyfriend, turned husband. Then right in her line of sight, a very cute, meticulously dressed guy leaned over the bar and raised his finger to the bartender. She figured him to be the bourbon type, but instead the bartender brought over a draft beer. That was the first surprise of the night.

She didn't realize it, but she was staring as he took his first sip. His eye caught hers and then the second surprise hit her. This guy had the cutest, most innocent smile.

"Hi." He said softly. "Sam Adams."

Rayna gave him a skeptical look. "Excuse me?"

"It's a Sam Adams." He took another sip. "You looked very interested in what I was drinking."

Rayna momentarily forgot how nervous she got around guys drinking in bars, shaking away the memories of begging disappointment. "Sorry." She said feeling a bit caught. Sometimes she forgot who she was in this setting, retreating back to that scared girl who left the country club years ago with Kyle. It didn't take long for her to stand up straight and find her confident voice. "You just look like beer would be beneath you."

"Wow." Who did this girl think she was? He, of course, knew who she was from all the tabloid magazines and award shows. "That's a little presumptuous. " He rested the pint glass on the bar, stared at the TV monitor while unbuttoning his left cuff and started diligently rolling up his sleeve. "And what beverage would you think to be on par?" He looked back at her as he started on the other cuff and sleeve.

Rayna couldn't help but notice how confident he was and that intrigued her a bit. The last few years have been filled with battered remarks, bad tempers and angst. Just like that, she was hit with surprise number three. Teddy Conrad was a breath of fresh air. "You know what?" He leaned in to her as he spoke softly. "Don't answer that." He made eye contact with someone across the room, gave what Rayna would later describe to him as a devilish wink, and threw a ten dollar bill on the bar. "It seems you think you know me so well." He looked over again at the person that seemed to be waiting on him. "Have dinner with me tomorrow. I'll prove you wrong."

"Dinner?"

"Yes. Dinner. You know, the meal after lunch."

"Where?"

"Does it matter?" He challenged.

"It might." She smiled, realizing that coming here tonight might not have been the worst thing.

"Here. Meet me here tomorrow." When Rayna made a face, he quickly jabbed at her preconceptions about the country club. "Oh, wait. " He took another sip of his beer. "I bet you hate the country club."

She raised an eyebrow, wondering why she was even wasting her time with this guy. He came off like a pretentious, know-it-all, who was a little too cocky, but something drew her to him. It could have been that smile, but she thought it may be that he wasn't like the rest of those country club types. "Now, who thinks they know who too well?"

"Touché". He started to walk away from her, but turned back toward her one last time. "Seven. I'll make sure I have a bourbon in hand so not to disappoint you."

Rayna stood there in shock. How did he know what she was thinking? She laughed out loud, not remembering the last time she had a flirty conversation that was light and actually fun.

She did meet him for dinner that next night and learned that her instincts were right. Teddy Conrad was not like every ivy league, MBA graduate her father and Tandy tried to set her up with. Sure, he was smart, well-mannered and came from a long-line of wealthy bankers and politicians, but he was also genuine, open and honest. They kept the conversation light and Rayna quickly realized that he certainly was charming. He asked her about her music career, but knew enough not to delve too deep. She told him how she quickly had to learn the business side of her career on the fly and how it terrified her in the beginning. She asked him if he ever wanted to follow in his family footsteps and go into politics. He told her he would take the route only if he could see himself making a difference in a community that needed it.

Rayna hadn't been on a first date in almost twelve years, but she thought it went well. She was definitely intrigued. After Teddy paid for dinner and they were walking out to the parking lot, she suddenly felt nervous. She knew that a first kiss between them was looming. She hadn't kissed another man in all that time, and couldn't believe that she felt like a teenager and not the twenty-eight year old woman she was.

"Where's your car?" Teddy asked, placing his hand on the small of her back.

Rayna pointed to the white BMW, not too far off in the distance. "That's me."

"Ok." Teddy removed his hand from her back and turned to face her. "Thank you for meeting me tonight. I'm hope I showed you that I'm not the pretentious prick you thought I was yesterday." He smiled and his dimples adorned his face.

"Fine. I admit it. I did think you were a pretentious prick."

"And now?"

"Not so much." She replied. Rayna couldn't believe she was letting this stranger charm her.

"Good. I did my job." He said lightly. "Again, thanks for meeting me. Want to do it again?"

Rayna wanted to say yes because everything about this newly formed relationship seemed so easy. When she hesitated, he quickly spoke to fill the silence. "It's fine if you can't."

She wondered what he meant by that, and suddenly her guard went up. Why would he think she couldn't? She was single. Well, she was trying so very hard to be single. "No. I can. I just…." She didn't want to pretend this was easy for her, but she needed to. She wanted to give herself the opportunity to move on. "…I'm going out of town for the next week. When I get back?"

"Sounds good." Teddy said casually.

Then something that Rayna didn't expect, happened. Teddy held out his hand for a friendly handshake. "It was nice getting know you better."

"You too." She couldn't help but keep the shocked inflection out of her voice. She was nervous about kissing another man, but all he offered was a handshake? She was utterly confused.

"I'll wait here until you get safely to your car."

"Okay. Thanks for dinner." It was all she could muster.

As she walked to her car, she thought about what the hell transpired. After the drive home, she contemplated how she could have misread that entire situation. Then it dawned on her. Is it possible that she was now so far removed from this country club world that this was completely normal? That nights after concerts where people got inebriated and had sex with random strangers was not the norm? That her past relationship with Deacon and their sexcapades were not what the average person did? Had the last three years of the toxic relationship with Deacon completely blinded her?

After being away for the week, Rayna came home to an invitation sent with flowers from Teddy to take her out again. Maybe she wasn't completely blind? Maybe he did like her? Maybe he was attracted to her?

The card on the flowers said to meet him tomorrow afternoon by the Cumberland River benches. She knew exactly the spot, but when she arrived she was surprised to see him somewhat out of his element. She assumed this was out of his element. Dressed in jeans and a tucked in casual button-down, she took note of the bottle of champagne and picnic basket.

"Wow. This is really nice." She observed as she approached.

"Glad you like it. I wasn't sure if you really wanted to head back into a fancy restaurant or the country club for that matter. I'm starting to think that's not your scene." He pointed to the blanket he laid out, offering her a seat.

As Rayna sat, she studied him as he took a seat next to her. "You thought right."

Teddy poured two flutes of champagne. "You okay with this?" He was referring to the champagne.

Rayna thought that was another weird comment from Teddy. She tried to make light of it. "Well, it's not Cristal." She joked, but she quickly realized Teddy thought she was serious. "Teddy, I'm kidding." She couldn't help but inquire. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Teddy grew serious, his eyes searching hers. "Can I be completely honest?"

"I didn't know we were not being completely honest."

Teddy decided to be as direct as possible. "I learned a lot about you in the past week and a half."

Rayna started to think that is what she liked about Teddy, which was now completely erased. "Tabloids?"

"I'm not proud that I actually read that garbage, but it seems that you have been through it a bit over the past few years."

Rayna put her head down, embarrassed that he may now know too much. "You can say that."

"I just don't want to do anything to upset you. If drinking in the afternoon is not okay, I hope you would tell me."

Rayna looked at him. "What do you want me to say, Teddy? That I'm proud of the hell I let myself be put through? Because I'm not." She looked to the sky, willing the liquid pools to stay put. She didn't want to cry in front of Teddy, especially over Deacon. "I like to think I'm stronger now for it."

Teddy told Rayna that afternoon that she didn't have to get into it if she didn't want to, but to his surprise, she did. She explained how things deteriorated over time. She didn't go into too much detail, but she definitely painted a PG rated version of the picture.

In return, Teddy told her about his college flame Peggy and how he never felt like he could truly trust her. She always had an ulterior motive, pushing him to live his father's life and not his own. That afternoon they opened up to each other a bit and the circumstances of their pasts brought them closer together.

As they packed up their picnic lunch and made their way to the parking lot, Rayna wondered what it would be like to kiss Teddy. Again, she was a little bit nervous. Again, she wondered how different it would feel, laced with emotion and caring versus whiskey and anger.

He walked her to her car and after she unlocked it, she spun around to face him. "Thanks for the picnic. It was fun."

He gave her his signature dimpled smile. "That was the point."

Rayna decided to give him a signal that she wanted him to kiss her and she leaned into him just enough to give him the signal. She felt Teddy lean in, but instead of a romantic gesture of any sort, he placed both of his hands on her shoulders, tilted his head, and kissed her on the cheek. "See you soon?" He asked as he put enough distance between them so he didn't mistake their interaction to anything more than what was on the surface.

"Okay." Again, Rayna could not keep the skepticism out of her voice.

Rayna watched as Teddy walked away and she again could not figure him out. She swore she was no longer going to do this with him. If he was going to be completely honest with her, she was going to return that sentiment the next time she felt like she did at this very moment – confused and slightly disappointed.

A few days later, she found herself walking down Broadway after having brunch with Teddy. As they popped in and out of local stores, laughing and joking, she realized they were forming some sort of friendship. He definitely flirted with her, touching her playfully when it wasn't necessary. She was guilty of the same. She shoved him back a few times when he was being a little too playful.

As they continued about their day, a reporter or two came out of nowhere and snapped their picture. She seemed unfazed, but she could tell Teddy was taken back a bit. As she started becoming more and more successful, a piece of her privacy was taken from her. Deacon had been there for that transition in her life, knowing exactly when she needed to play into that role and when she needed him to make her excuses for her.

Within minutes, she could tell Teddy was uneasy, borderline uncomfortable. When they entered a hat store on lower Broad, she feigned interest of the display on the wall, while she spoke. "I'm sorry about that."

He turned toward her, trying to make eye contact, but unsuccessful. "About what?"

She smirked, as she picked up a navy hat. "Is this where we are going to pretend that you are not bothered by the men with cameras every time we hit the sidewalk?" She lifted her concerned blue eyes to his softer brown ones.

"I don't pretend, Rayna. It doesn't bother me, but I can't say I'll ever get used to it. I'm not used to being followed by anyone on a date."

His admittance surprised her. She held the hat in her hand, but turned to face him. "So this is a date?"

He gave her a skeptical look, clearly confused by her question. She continued, lowering her voice a bit. "I wasn't a hundred percent sure. The last few outings didn't necessarily end like a date." She was mortified, avoiding eye contact as she placed the hat back on the shelf.

"My heart wanted it to be a date, but my head was a little unsure."

"Why's that?" She questioned. "Because of the tabloids."

"Honestly?" He asked. "Partially."

"I thought you said the paparazzi didn't bother you." She teased.

And then it happened. "I thought it would have bothered you." Her first kiss with Teddy happened in the middle of that hat store on lower Broad. He cupped her face, leaned in for a gentle kiss, but he lingered for a bit longer than she expected. When he pulled back, he was grinning in that way she found completely adorable. "It doesn't bother me at all." He reached over her right shoulder and grabbed the blue hat from the shelf that she was previously holding. He held it as a shield from potential onlookers, as he leaned in again. She giggled right before his lips connected with hers again. It was sweet, gentle and playful. It was everything a first kiss should be.

-Please review!


	3. Liam

**Comparative Kisses**

 **Chapter 3 – Liam**

 _ **Disclaimer:**_ _ **All recognizable characters belong to the genius mind of Callie Khouri.**_

 _ **A/N:**_ _ **The reviews were awesome and I truly appreciate each and every one. They really encouraged me to keep going – especially when I truly question if this holds up to the amazing writers here. Hope you enjoy this installment!**_

Her first kiss with Liam was sloppy. No, it was desperate. It was desperate and sloppy. There was so much sexual tension between them, but when you added in the alcohol, her looming divorce and her anger at Deacon, she admittedly became a little desperate.

Liam was hot. There was no doubt about that. He was sexy, young, talented, smart and challenged her. She knew why she was immediately attracted to him. She got to be free and a bit reckless with him. She couldn't remember the last time she got to act like that with a man. Publicly, she and Teddy were very rigid. Privately, they shared a common happiness. They were playful and they knew how to tease each other, but their relationship was never truly uninhibited. With Deacon, she always remembered the end. The last few years, she was the one who had to be constantly responsible. She was the one who was constantly worried. She was the one who was often so scared.

Her flirtatious behavior toward Liam was natural. She could charm him and she knew he was the sexiest of players. Her "friendship" with Deacon was always weighed down by the dreams of tomorrow. Liam was easy. Liam was fun. Liam was definitely interested.

Their flirtatious behavior started when he challenged her with shots of whiskey and daring creativity. She hadn't let herself have the luxury of letting her obligations go to get drunk and make music. It's what she did with Deacon many years ago. She thought those days were gone, but Liam sucked her back into that enticing world she so very much missed.

She was barely able to put together the previous evening when Teddy woke her with a cup of coffee and a sweet smile. She felt her stomach drop when thoughts of her behavior came flooding back. She couldn't fully remember the events after the time the second shot of whiskey slid down her throat, warmed her belly and loosened her inhibitions. She flirted. She definitely flirted with Liam. She was more than sure she thought of him in ways that a married woman should not think of other men.

Later that day, when he confirmed that nothing happened, she was instantly relieved. That relief was followed by wonder. She knew he had to be chock full of experience and frankly, she was not. She couldn't help but wonder what he was like in bed.

She couldn't help it. Her sex life was extremely lacking. She and Teddy had not had sex in what felt like forever. After Juliette Barnes came into the picture, threatening her career, threatening her importance and relevance in country music existence, she wanted to feel needed. Even with the blow job she gave Teddy two months ago, which she knew he thoroughly enjoyed, he still didn't pay her the attention she needed.

To be honest, it was nice to have someone else to think about other than Deacon. When she needed some attention and her hand slid into her pajama shorts at night, Liam gave her the variety she needed.

All that sexual tension exploded on stage. They were electric on stage, but it was all build up with no release. She should have known that all it was going to take was loosened inhibitions, coupled with anger and confusion to make her take the leap.

She was drunk. She felt attractive. Liam looked hot. Deacon kissed her in an elevator. Deacon left her. Teddy asked for a divorce. She froze on stage. She danced with Liam. She flirted with Liam. They walked back to the hotel. She followed him to his room. She paused outside his door.

He flirted. She felt wanted after being rejected by not one, but both of the only other men she ever had sex with. She wanted to feel wanted. Yes, that first kiss was desperate. His invitation to get away from her life sounded exactly what she needed.

He leaned in and their lips brushed against one another and Rayna could feel the sexual tension slowly releasing. She stayed still as he leaned in again, opening his mouth and quickly closing it. She kissed him back roughly, sucking on his bottom lip, letting him know she wanted more. He gathered her into his arms, opening his mouth again, shoving his tongue in her mouth, twirling it around hers. He tasted of whiskey and she thought this was exactly what she wanted. He started to push her up against the hotel door, but the alarms in her head went off when she felt the length of his hardness against her.

She was in public. Yes, the hallway was empty, but she hadn't kissed anyone like that in a public space since before people started to recognize who she was. Thoughts of someone snapping her picture pulled her right out of her sexually charged haze. She was grateful for that sensibility because in that desperate moment, if she wasn't Rayna Jaymes, if she wasn't a married woman, if she wasn't a mother of two, if her heart didn't already belong to another man that wasn't her husband, she just might have let Liam fuck her right there in that public hallway.

 _ **\- Please review! It really is a great motivator!**_


	4. Luke

**Comparative Kisses**

 **Chapter 4 – Luke**

 **Disclaimer:** _ **All recognizable characters belong to the genius mind of Callie Khouri**_

 **A/N:** _ **Rayna's first kiss with Luke, as I reflect back upon it, seemed so forced, like the entirety of their relationship. I remember wanting Rayna to be happy, but it certainly wasn't going to be with this guy. I was thankful they brought him back in Season 5 so they were able to take that character (and their relationship) full circle.**_

Her first kiss with Luke was unexpected. She knew Luke had feelings for her when they were kids, when they were first starting out in the business. He constantly asked her why she put up with Deacon's bullshit. Why she put up with his drinking? Why she put up with his anger issues? Why she put up with his constant disappearing acts when she desperately needed him?

He always made sure to point out Deacon's shortcomings. She knew each time he did it, that he was expecting her to admit he was right, admit that she deserved better. She never did. She never gave up on Deacon and although they came close to their first kiss several times at county fairs and small stage festivals, she knew her heart wasn't into it. Her heart belonged to Deacon.

Eventually, Luke got tired of trying to convince Rayna that Deacon Claybourne would never change. He would always be a drunk, fighting his demons. Luke realized he wasn't going to be able to save Rayna from being dragged through Deacon's hell.

Luke became very successful, very quickly. He marketed himself all over the place. His existence in the country music world was bold and showy. It was the complete opposite of what Rayna wanted for herself.

They ran into each other from time to time, but it was never more than a smile and a friendly hello. Luke married, had two children and then eventually divorced. She knew nothing of the inner-workings of his marriage or what exactly happened. She married Teddy, and that was pretty much it.

Now, years later, here she was reconnecting with Luke. She ran into him at the Opry and she didn't remember him looking this good when they were kids. If there was one thing she quickly realized, he had a confidence about him that she found attractive.

But he was Luke Wheeler.

They were friends.

They had a platonic history.

He was judgmental of her past decisions.

She saw him again at the polo grounds, and he made some sort of dig about this being her world, her people. She felt the need to prove him wrong and invited him to the Bluebird. She didn't think anything of the invitation, but a friendly gesture. She couldn't have been more wrong.

Earlier, Luke brought up Deacon in a light conversation. "I read about the car accident. You were never able to cut him loose."

"Well, that's not the case now." She said. Maybe she shouldn't have said that. It sounded like an invitation, but it wasn't meant like that.

"He looked good, though." Luke reflected. "I mean, I can remember the days when he looked a lot worse than he did today." As much as Luke hated to admit it, Deacon looked like he had his shit together.

"Yeah, I think he's back on track. He seems clear, healthy."

"Seems?" Luke had been trying all day to figure out where they stood in the long path of their relationship.

She knew what he was asking, but still didn't foresee what was going to happen later in that parking lot. "I know as much as you." She simply stated. "It was time to let go. I can't let what happened in that car, what happened a million times years ago, happen anymore. I've got two girls who need me. I've got a life I value and a happiness I want to maintain."

Luke seemed satisfied with that answer. She didn't realize it at the time, but that little speech she gave Luke was the green light he was looking for. So after listening to a few artists at the bluebird, she made a request regarding Scarlett and he made the bold move. He was waiting close to 20 years to do it.

He took off his cowboy hat with his right hand and cupped her face with his left. He leaned in to her and kissed her. He kept his mouth closed, but lingered so she didn't mistake it as a friendly gesture.

Rayna was frozen. She felt like she couldn't move, and not because the kiss rendered her speechless. She just had no idea that he still had those feelings. She knew he was confident and had women throw themselves at him left and right. She was just surprised that he did it without even wondering if it was invited or not.

So instead of making a big deal about it, she smiled. "Well, I didn't invite you here for that." She wanted to make herself clear. She wanted him to know she wasn't trading a physical relationship with him, so Scarlett could get on his tour. She wanted her label to be in a better position, but definitely not this way. She had plenty of opportunities to sleep her way to the top, and she was above it then and she was certainly above that now.

Luke had a smug look on his face, and he placed the cowboy hat back on the top of his head. She felt like they were playing a little game and he won. She didn't realize what that kiss would actually bring on for the next year and a half. All the chaos, all the publicity and the upheaval started with that one kiss in the parking lot of the Bluebird. No wonder it just didn't feel right.

-Please review.


	5. Deacon - Part One

**Comparatives**

 **Chapter 5 – Deacon Part One**

 **Disclaimer:** _ **All recognizable characters belong to the genius mind of Callie Khouri.**_

 **A/N:** _ **This chapter is the first of five that belong to Deacon. With their relationship spanning over that many years, I could pinpoint different "first kisses" they experienced. Plus, it was more fun to write. Hope you enjoy!**_

When Rayna reflects upon her first kiss with Deacon, she can't decide which one is her favorite. A different emotion surrounded each one of the five she experienced. If their relationship wasn't so tumultuous, they would have been like every other couple she knew. Most couples have one first kiss. Rayna and Deacon were not like most couples.

Their first physical kiss took place in his car. She never had a first kiss like that before, probably because she dreamed of it at least once day for longer than she cares to admit. The sexual tension was there from the minute she met Deacon Claybourne. He was hot, confident, borderline cocky, but had this gentleman charm that knocked her off her feet.

Yes, he was older than her, but she wasn't stupid. She knew he was attracted to her. She knew she could easily have a fling with him if she wanted. She had witnessed plenty of his flings. Girls would always be waiting for him, no matter where they were, what city they were in. She saw how he used them, show after show, city after city. They developed a repertoire of teasing words often enough that everyone around them knew it bothered her.

"How can you just detach yourself like that?" She asked him, after he loaded onto their run-down bus one late morning. She watched through the window as he said his latest goodbye with some blonde, and of course, not with words. He pressed this nameless girl against the side of the bus, slipping his tongue in her mouth. Apparently that was his way of saying thank you.

"Like what?" He asked as he took a seat across from her.

"Like how you will likely never see her again and you don't care." She stated. She wanted to look into his eyes, but she was afraid his nonchalance was going to confirm he was the jerk she already thought he was.

"Do you think she cares if she sees me again?" He shot back. "Not everyone has a pretty girl that continually comes back to them." He pushed. He hated that Rayna was that girl for someone else.

What most didn't know is how much it bothered him that she was the opposite. Rayna was a monogamous dater. She liked to be with one guy for long periods of time and that scared the shit out of him. "I just don't see the point. It's such a waste of time." She shot back.

"I don't think they see it as a waste of time." He countered. "I think they see it as a good time."

"That's what you tell yourself, huh?" She smirked.

Deacon eventually settled with a local Nashville girl, Samantha Beasley. She was a sound technician that seemed to be everywhere. Every show they played, it felt like she was either there working or there supporting Deacon. It drove Rayna crazy that he finally showed interest in settling down.

She was finally single at that point, and he decided Samantha was the one he was going to spend his days with, and more upsetting, his nights. Rayna tried to ignore them. She tried to enjoy his flirtatious behavior on stage, but also enjoy their friends-only relationship off-stage. She knew it had to be a first for him.

Her eyes continued to search for him at rehearsals in the day, shows in the evening, bars at night and his whereabouts into the morning hours. She knew she had feelings for him, although she tried to fight it. She knew he was trying to have a stable, monogamous relationship with Samantha, but she couldn't help but feel she wasn't good enough for him.

It wasn't until they were coming off the stage at the Exit Inn, that she realized the chemistry she dreamed about between them was actually there. They played one of their best shows, their performance electric.

She thanked the crowded for coming, gave a small wave and took a bow. She thanked Deacon and the band and the crowd continued their applause. She started to head off stage and right before she reached the steps to head down, she felt it. She felt a burn of desire that started in her lower belly that spread to her core. It didn't take much other than feeling his hands snake around her waist from behind, his breath hot on her ear.

"You were incredible tonight." He whispered. She felt him pull her toward him, her back now resting against his chest. She tilted her head, just the slightest, to expose herself to him a little more. All thoughts of Samantha Beasley momentarily forgotten. "You really got the crowded going."

She smiled, pushing her ear toward his mouth, almost begging him to do something. She was challenging him and he knew it. He pushed his hips forward a bit, his arm still tight around her waist. He was growing hard and she felt it through his jeans. "The crowd doesn't seem to be the only thing I got going." She flirted, daring him to take it a step further.

She covered his hand with hers, removing it from her waist. Her intent was to spin around and face him and finally face all this sexual tension. Right on cue, Samantha Beasley appeared at the bottom of the steps and instead of spinning around, she just moved away from him. She moved away from one of the most sexually charged embraces she ever felt.

After that moment, she knew it wouldn't be long before she and Deacon dealt with the buried emotions and sexual feelings they had for one another. The next two weeks were extremely busy for them, but through it all she couldn't help but notice there was no sign of Samantha Beasley anywhere. She wasn't working at their gigs, she wasn't hanging at the bars and cafes they played at and she wasn't hanging all over Deacon at the after parties they attended.

Rayna remembered lots of things about the night she and Deacon shared their very first kiss. She remembered the party Stuart Osborne randomly decided to throw. She remembered that he was wearing a red and grey plaid shirt that hugged his body in a way that made her desperately want to reach out and touch his chest. She remembered that he flirted with her relentlessly that night, even though he barely had anything to drink.

"Hey, when did you get here?" He asked, when he came over to her as soon as he spotted her.

"About 20 minutes ago." She let her eyes drift up and down his body, trying to gauge his non-verbal behavior. "You don't look like you've been here too long?" She questioned, but it came out more like a statement.

He ignored her last comment. "How did you get here?" He knew that question must have sounded odd to her, but he didn't care. He was desperate to know if she came alone.

Rayna was at the drink table, grabbing a cup and filling it with ice. Deacon was leaning in so close to her, again his chest pressed against her back. She felt those familiar stirrings in the lower half of her body, as she was struggling to get in ice in the cup. She put the cup down and, this time, spun around. His eyes were piercing and his look was serious. "I took a cab." She tilted her head, looking past Deacon and into the crowd. "No Samantha lately, huh?" She couldn't help herself.

"You noticed?"

She chuckled. "It's hard not to notice, Deacon." The smile left her lips and she spoke the truth. "You two were very attached." She dared to tread into deep water. "How was that for you?"

"How was what?"

She turned back toward the table and twisted the cap off a vodka bottle. She couldn't see the truth in his eyes as he talked about another girl. "How was it to have only one girl in your life for longer than a week?" She poured the vodka and bit her bottom lip, bracing herself.

He leaned forwarded, their bodies very close. "How was it? It was torture."

"Really?" She asked, disappointed in him. "Torture? It didn't look like torture."

"You were looking?"

She capped the vodka and grabbed the club soda and started to pour. "Like I said, it was hard to miss." She took a sip of her drink, and spun around to face him again.

"Well, the monogamy wasn't the torturous part."

"No?" She arched her eyebrow at him. She held his stare. "Was it the Samantha Beasley part?" She joked.

He smiled, and it was the kind of smile that traveled all the way to his eyes. He made a bold move and moved is arm around her waist, his hand settling at the small of her back. He nudged her closer to him, moving his mouth close to her ear. "It was the Rayna Jaymes part." He whispered, seductively in her ear.

When he pulled away from her, Rayna felt frozen to the spot. She felt her eyes widen, her knees weaken and her core burn. She couldn't formulate words as she continued to stare at him in disbelief. Someone called Deacon's name which snapped her out of her daze. He moved away from her, but the heat between them was still thick in the air and vivid in her mind.

She didn't remember what happened during the rest of the party, but she never forgot how that evening ended. She was saying goodbye to someone and Deacon appeared out of nowhere. He returned his hand to the small of her back. "Can I give you a ride home?"

She was a little startled, but quickly recovered. "Have you been waiting all night for me to say my goodbyes?" She could beat him at this teasing game. "You want to give me a ride home?"

"Well…" He said nonchalantly. "…there really is no reason for you to take a cab." He started walking her to the street where his car.

"What if I said no? What if I didn't want a ride home?"

"Come on, Rayna. I know you better than that." When they reached his car, he opened the passenger door for her. As she walked passed him to get in, he once again whispered in her ear. "You want to get in this car as badly as I want you in this car."

Before she sat, she felt herself grow a bit defensive. "For a ride home, right?"

"For whatever you want."

She would have never admitted it, but he was right. She wanted him in ways that she didn't even comprehend. She never felt this attracted to anyone and never felt more sexually charged than she did at this moment. She felt the anticipation all the way through her soaked underwear.

When he got in car, he stared straight ahead and started the ignition. The drove in silence, both consumed with their own thoughts. When Deacon started to slow the car down as he approached Rayna's apartment, she thought the anticipation would kill her. She was desperate to feel his hands on her, his hands exploring her body.

When Deacon shifted the car into park, he kept his straight, staring at the street ahead. Rayna turned her body, squaring her shoulders to him. The silence between them lay thick in the air, until Rayna broke it. "You're full of surprises Deacon Claybourne." She said. "So confident with so many girls, but so unsure right now." Her eyes squinted as if she was trying hard to read him, read the situation.

"Make no mistake Rayna." His voice was deep laced with desperation and torment. "I am very sure of what I want right now." He finally turned to face her. "I've wanted it for a long time. The only thing I'm unsure of is you."

"Of me?" It wasn't until that very moment that she realized that she had a power over him that he couldn't control.

"There's no turning back from what's about to happen." His voice dripped of sensuality. "I only want things to go forward from here. "

She gave him her sexiest smile, wanting to draw him in to the point of no return. "Well, do you want to hear how I see it, Deacon?" She unbuckled her seatbelt and leaned her body close to his, her lips centimeters away from his. It took everything inside of her to hold back and control herself. "I'm more than ready to mix things up with you." She paused, before sealing the deal. "And you should know by now, I usually get what I want."

He let his eyes drift to her lips, wanting to taste her. He moved his hands from the steering wheel and cupped her face. He kissed her hard, letting out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. She parted her lips and he wasted no time taking advantage of twirling his tongue with hers. Her hands roamed his chest and shoulders and she pulled him hard so her breasts were pressed up against him. He tangled his hand through her hair and pulled her head further into him, savoring her taste and deepening the kiss. This was unlike any first kiss she ever had. It was hard, it was fast and it was sexual.

It was the longest first kiss she ever experienced. They were both fighting for control, trying to one up each other with their skills. Their moans were deafening as their hands continued to roam. She never thought a first kiss could be like that. She never experienced that again. Well, not until her second first-kiss with Deacon almost 25 years later, in an elevator in Chicago.

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	6. Deacon - Part Two

**Comparatives**

 **Chapter 6 - Deacon Part Two**

 **Disclaimer:** _ **All recognizable characters belong to the genius mind of Callie Khouri.**_

 **A/N:** _ **This was so fun to write. I do hope I did this monumental scene justice. I know so many writers took a stab at this kiss and I loved each and every take. I did go back further than I wanted to, but felt the need to set it up.**_

Rayna often wondered if she would ever get to experience that invigorating feeling she got when she kissed Deacon Claybourne. She wondered that from the time she realized that her relationship with Deacon was complicated. It was never going to be easy, fun and light anymore.

Their relationship was tainted.

It took years for Rayna to get to that place. The place where her dreams were shattered and there was no point of return. Deacon became unintentionally abusive. He was an alcoholic and rehab wasn't helping him. The music wasn't helping him. Rayna wasn't helping him. Deacon didn't even want to help himself, not even for her.

After four stints in rehab, missed rehearsals, missed shows, countless disorderly conduct arrests, two driving while intoxicated charges, seven assault charges, broken bones, broken furniture, broken promises, and the one time he raised his hands to her, Rayna knew she couldn't save him anymore. She knew the latter was unintentional, but he was spiraling out of control.

For eleven years, they were tangled together. For eleven years she loved him as hard as any one person could love another. So, when the last three years became increasingly more difficult, she knew the bad was starting to outweigh the good. She couldn't even see a glimpse of the man she fell in love with. She was constantly digging to pull him out, but was rarely successful.

They were broken up when she met Teddy at the club. They weren't on speaking terms when her relationship turned physical with Teddy. She heard he went to rehab for the fourth time, and although they weren't together, she prayed for him to get better. She continually wanted the best for Deacon.

She missed him.

She didn't miss the chaos, but she certainly missed the passion. She told herself over and over that she was the only person holding herself back from being completely happy with Teddy. Her mind played tricks on her, invading the depths of her brain that spoke to her senses. She tried to ignore it, but curiosity got the best of her.

The final time they had sex, she found herself craving him. She craved him in a way she never craved Teddy. She wasn't even sure how she got to the cabin that night. Their passion was brought to the brink and they made love. Unbeknownst to them, they also made Maddie. That night was filled with hope and promises. But as morning came, so did the utter catastrophe that was Deacon Claybourne. The man who she protected herself against for months resurfaced.

She found him passed out on the couch. She was beyond angry.

Angry at him.

Angry at herself.

Angry at this damn disease that has ruined his life. Her life.

Never had she felt so humiliated as she did when he spoke the words, "Asked you what?"

All the times men tried to touch her, he protected her. Year after year, men expected her to degrade herself, but he was always there watching over her. Her pride in not doing anything she didn't want to came from the strength and support he provided.

So, for it to be him? After all these years, it was like a slap in the face. He was the one that fucked her and didn't remember. He was the one that asked him to marry her, and didn't care enough to not raise the bottle to his lips. Now, that was degrading!

That was the final straw. She had to make it work with Teddy. She needed to get over the passion and physicality of her relationship with Deacon because it was nothing short of toxic. It would have been a little bit easier to let him go if it wasn't for the two solid pink lines that stared her in the face a few weeks later.

She knew they weren't careful. She knew it was his.

Of course, all hope was lost and her decisions of letting him go were justified the minute she saw him through the large glass window once again drunk and out of control. Her brain flashed images of the screaming, the shoving, the broken glass. She would never let her baby be witness to that. She was a Wyatt. She was raised to know what she deserved. Deacon Claybourne, in that state, was not it.

It was about two weeks after that when she heard from Coleman that Deacon was going back to rehab. His fifth attempt at sobriety. When she offered to drive him, she was committed to moving on. She knew the growing baby in her belly had forced that decision. She just wanted one last kiss.

That final kiss (or so she thought) came outside the facility. She needed to let go of him for good and that meant not taking him inside and getting him settled. It meant not being involved in the decision making of the course of his treatment. It meant detaching herself in her car.

"I'm sorry, Rayna." He said, not looking at her.

His words held no weight. "I know." She replied.

"I know I have no right to ask you to wait for me, but I love you and…"

She felt the tears and needed to interrupt him before they flooded out. "I can't, Deacon. I just can't anymore."

He took a sharp breath, feeling like his air waves were constricted. "Teddy?" He tentatively asked.

At that moment, she thought of Teddy, but she was really thinking of the baby. "Me." It wasn't until that moment that she realized he was never going to get better if she was in his life. "I love you, Deacon. I will probably love you for the rest of my life, but I need to step away from us. You need me to step away from you."

"I know."

She cupped his face, leaned in and kissed him for what she thought was going to be the last time. It wasn't filled with passion, but with love that hurt her into the depths of her soul.

In the weeks following, she wrote "Best Songs Come From Broken Hearts" and it rose the top of the charts. She chalked the success of that number one to how she felt in that car.

Teddy became the solid choice. He was a wonderful husband and father. He loved Maddie with every ounce of his being. When Daphne came along, Rayna fell more in love with Teddy and the family they created. They were happy. They were secure. They were comfortable. Things she feared she would be unable to feel with Deacon as she tried to raise Maddie with him.

As the years passed and her marriage with Teddy strengthened, Deacon gained hold of his life. His commitment to his sobriety strengthened and that rocked Rayna. She couldn't believe all it took to save him was to leave him. For years she watched him from afar. She watched him as his eyes cleared and he smiled more and more year after year.

She fell back in love with him from a safe distance that didn't threaten her marriage or the family she built with Teddy. They slowly reached a place of deep trust and friendship. It bothered Teddy, but she never disrespected her marriage. She owed Teddy that much. She knew it must have killed Teddy every time Deacon got a little too friendly on stage or worse, picked up Maddy as a friendly gesture. She knew because she felt it too. She felt it every time she watched some groupie hang all over Deacon. She felt it every time she watched his hands roam another's body.

It wasn't all innocent. They had their moments. There were times that Rayna wanted to feel what she missed all these years. Her marriage to Teddy was perfect in every way but one. It lacked that undeniable passion in bed that she could easily create with a simple look at Deacon.

Daphne was about three, and they were almost done with the last leg of their tour. Rayna feared going back home and adjusting back to life as it was before. She had too much to drink, and Deacon had to escort her out of their afterparty. He knew one more vodka soda, and she would have started to embarrass herself.

Bucky usually handled this. He guided her from one important person to the next, monitoring her alcohol intake and prepping her on what to say and why she was saying it. Bucky went back to the hotel, not feeling well and asked Deacon to stick around. Rayna could see the apprehensiveness in his eyes as he left, but Rayna promised him she would be fine. She and Deacon were past all the awkwardness. He was sober. He was kind. He was hot.

As Deacon put his hand at the small of her back, and ushered her to street to hail a cab, she took a misstep. He immediately came toward her, slipping an arm around her waist. He unnecessarily pulled her a little bit closer than he needed, steadying her on her feet. She felt it right at that moment. The passion she missed all these years flooded her entire body from a simple hand on her waist and feeling the hardness of his chest against hers.

She's embarrassed to admit to herself how many times she tried to re-create this very feeling with Teddy. It took a lot of imagination to get her even close to the tingling she was feeling right now. She should have moved away. She should have broken the contact. She was the married one. She was the one that left him seven years prior.

She couldn't. The pull was too much. She dared to look at him. As their eyes met, she could see he could feel it too. The blue pools ran deep with desperation and when he moved them to her lips, she licked them in anticipation. She felt the tightening in her lower abdomen, her underwear damp as she never wanted him as bad as she wanted him right now.

Then something happened that never happened before. Deacon hesitated. Without daring to think about her perfect husband or her perfect family, she spoke.

"Deacon?" She questioned.

When he didn't respond, but continued to hold his stare, she dared to dip her toe into the forbidden water. "Kiss me, Deacon." She breathed out.

He didn't dare move. He was petrified. As quick as that moment started, it ended the same way. Deacon immediately took his hands off her waist, stepped back and held both hands in the air, palms facing her. "I can't."

When her eyes questioned the sudden lack of contact, he spoke firmly. "I won't."

The alcohol hit Rayna full force as her emotions ran wild. She suddenly was washed with the weight of her current situation. "I'm sorry." Those words were meant for a million different things, not just for asking him to do something she so desperately wanted.

That was the closest they ever came to crossing that line. They never spoke of it again, pretending that she was drunk and didn't remember it.

The next couple of years were not easy for Rayna and Teddy's marriage. She did another tour and although she was distant, Teddy was even more further removed. Rayna missed the intimacy, but really, she missed Deacon. She thought of him often in ways no married woman should.

Rayna made no secret of her jealousy of Juliette Barnes. What was worse was that Deacon called her out on it. He brought women around her all the time. But her? The one that was stealing her producer? Taking over her career? She wanted Deacon too, and it killed her.

Deacon made his jabs back and in most recent weeks, they got into some bad screaming matches.

"Don't you dare say I haven't been there for you!" She stomped her foot like a school girl throwing a tantrum. How can Deacon receive a fifty-thousand-dollar guitar and then accuse of her of that?

"Are we done here?" He sadly asked in the country club. Fighting with Teddy was a favorite pastime of his, but knowing what it did to Rayna wasn't fair. She had to take Teddy's and he had enough of it.

After not talking for weeks, news broke about Teddy's possible infidelity. On top of the monumental embarrassment, the thing that lingered the most for Rayna was the 'I told you so' which lead to one of their worst moments.

"I guess you made the right choice." It came out nasty and sarcastic as he intended. "Him over me?"

She cut him back. "Well you know you didn't give me much choice in that matter."

After that exchange where he walked away from her on his front lawn, she was glad to be going back out on tour, without him. She needed some separation, and Liam was a good distraction. So, when Juliette sauntered on the plane, complaints dripping from her lips about the time, she would have never thought in her wildest dreams that they would have been waiting for Deacon to join them on tour.

She was pissed.

When they arrived in Chicago it was quite clear to Rayna that they were not on speaking terms. They could barely look at each other, and thoughts of Deacon and Juliette jointly tangled made her sick. It was just like him though. They fight. They hurt each other. He runs to another woman because he can't have her.

But why that woman?

Rayna hated not speaking to him, but she was pissed. The first awkward ride in the elevator ride they shared after they checked in, Deacon kept his eyes on the numbers. With each ascending number, rose the tension in that small wooden box. When Deacon reached down for his guitar, Rayna dared her eyes to catch a glimpse. He completely ignored her.

After the first show, she dared to speak to him again. She asked him to teach Adria a riff she liked at the beginning of 'Already Gone'. She hated that he was on stage earlier with Juliette. She only hoped he hated it too.

He chuckled, like he was waiting for an apology. She didn't want to dance around this anymore.

"The last time I talked to you, you were putting a sign out in front of your house, headed off to your cabin. Now you're on tour with Juliette Barnes. What are you doing here?" She hated that he was making this so difficult.

He shrugged his shoulders. "I play guitar for people who pay me money. So, I'm doing that."

He wasn't going to get off that easy. After the fight they had, she couldn't let him act all nonchalant like his presence wasn't a big deal. "Well, if I must…It's a little bit awkward."

"I'll try to stay out of your way." He cut her once again.

The second ride in the elevator was the next morning. She had to do a press meeting. The elevator doors opened and he was standing there in jeans and a grey T-shirt. She felt her breath constrict and let out a sigh to cover it up. Deacon got in, pushed the button and stared straight ahead. He could feel her eyes on him.

She decided to be the bigger person. "Hey." When she realized her wasn't going to respond, that 'hey' back was too much, she let her gaze fall to the brocade carpet in the elevator. She decided to go another route and brought up Scarlett and the demo Watty gave her. A compliment toward the niece that he adored had to do the trick.

Deacon continued to stare at the floor, not acknowledging her. She rolled her eyes.

She tried.

She was not the bigger person.

"You havin' fun on the tour?" She pushed. "I never thought I'd see the day of you singing 'Boys and Buses' with Juliette Barnes day in and day out, but you know, life never ceases to amaze."

He stepped forward and further away from her. She was pushing him to an uncomfortable zone so when the longest descend in the history of elevators came to an end, he hurried out and away from her.

"Glad we had this chat." She had too much going on to give a shit about Deacon's unjustified bruised ego.

The third meeting in the elevator happened after the show. She saw Deacon talking to Glenn at the bar. It was weird to see him at a bar ever, but just a week ago he told her to stop worrying about him. It wasn't her job. When she got in the elevator and hit the top circle for the penthouse floor, she leaned back against the side wall, exhausted. The doors were almost closed when a hand popped through to have them reopen.

Deacon stepped in and hit the number eight. He leaned back against the back wall, gripping the rail, deep in thought. Rayna was not going to take the silence. She was going to force him to talk to her. She started, once the doors were closed. "Can I just ask you something?" She stared him down, while he stared at the numbers. "What in the hell are you doing on this tour?" He kept his eyes focused. "Deacon?" She called.

Then it happened, he pushed himself off the rail and toward her. He leaned his head to the right and their lips connected as her head was pushed against the side wall. His hands her on her hips, steadying her so she didn't move away. He wanted her to feel him pushed against her.

She breathed through her nose, recovering from the surprise in her brain, the tingling in her body and the immediate wetness in her panties. He moved his left hand to her neck, wanting more. He worked his lips over hers in a way that she so desperately hadn't remember that she missed. She moved her hands to his shoulder and down arm. The second their lips detached, she spoke. Their faces only inches apart as if he was afraid to break all contact.

"I just need to know what your…"

God this woman was frustrating. "Rayna." It came out low, but with a hint of annoyance. "I'm done talking." He just wanted to relive that magic he felt he kissed this woman. She stood still, mesmerized.

He leaned in again and as their lips met, he bent his knees, sliding his hard body up hers. She immediately moved her hand to the back of his head, wanting to take a bit of control. He loved the feeling her breasts pushed up against his chest. She loved that as his hard body slithered up hers, he rubbed her core with his lower abdomen, followed by his hardness. She wanted him push into her harder. Her arms wrapped around his back pulling him closer.

He moved his head, pushing her further back against the wall as he opened his mouth, sliding his tongue in, dancing with her. Rayna knew this wasn't a mistake. Rayna knew as he took this simple kiss into this bliss abyss they were in, that Deacon wanted this as much as she did. They were kissing with so much passion as they struggled, flighting each other for control.

The elevator door dinged and the elevator slowed. He suddenly regained possession of his tongue, pulling his body slightly off her, closing his lips. The puckering sound of their lips awoke her out of her daze, but not wanting it to end, she opened her mouth again and he gave her one last kiss.

The floor felt like it was moving beneath her, as he departed. It was more like he dashed away from her, not giving a look back, not having one regret.

She stood there, completely staggered in movement. When she regained some feeling in her arms, she lifted them to hit the 'door close' button. Her eyes darted every which direction, searching for the answer to her question.

What the hell was that?

Six weeks later she got her answer.

 _ **-Please review! Click that button for me!**_


	7. Deacon - Part Three

**Comparatives**

 **Chapter 7 - Deacon Part Three**

 **Disclaimer:** _ **All recognizable characters and dialogue belong to the genius mind of Callie Khouri.**_

 **A/N:** **After writing about the weeks leading up to that fateful episode, I couldn't believe how much actual crap Rayna had dealt with during that time. I hope Y'all like this chapter. Sorry it took so long. I wanted to get it just right.**

Everything was moving too fast. She was losing control. What was happening around her? Rayna Jaymes hated feeling out of control. She liked being in charge. She thrived on knowing exactly what each day held for her. So, to take hit after hit after hit in the time span of six weeks nearly broke her.

It all started with that kiss in the elevator.

 _Hit number one._

At the moment of tangled tongues and caressing bodies, she wouldn't have actually considered it a hit. She initially felt as if she were a pressure valve releasing pent up steam that was being contained for thirteen years. But the second Deacon pulled away from her, the valve was shut tightly. She wanted to do anything to reopen it. She wanted him. She wanted to feel that release in so many ways.

She texted him, knowing exactly what "talk" meant when she typed it. She wouldn't have circled her thumbs over and over the text message icon if she meant it to be completely innocent. She wanted to know what spurred this on. She wanted to know what came over him.

So, when the knock at the door jolted her out of her fantasies and she stopped her pacing, she was edging very close to their boundaries. She was edging toward the reality of having Deacon in ways she only dreamed of for years. She must have looked completely flabbergasted when she opened the door.

Teddy.

 _Hit number two._

What the hell was Teddy doing in Chicago? She quickly recovered, stepping aside and letting him in, her eyes quickly searching down the hall.

No Deacon.

 _Hit number three._

He wasn't going to show. She dared to dip a toe into the forbidden water that was their tumultuous relationship, and he stood her up. She was devastated, but she quickly recovered. She couldn't even begin to imagine the problems that would have spurred from Deacon being either caught in her room or him showing up to her room. That would have sent Teddy into a tailspin. Then to her surprise, Teddy started the conversation and she felt like she went numb.

Teddy wanted a divorce.

 _Hit number four._

The next day they arrived in Atlanta and they had a series of press events to attend. She was in a cloudy haze. She just couldn't believe it, but something else broke her out of her trance, having to focus on something other than herself.

Teddy wants to tell the girls as soon as possible.

 _Hit number five._

This one really hit her hard. All she wanted to do her entire life was protect her girls. Every decision she had ever made was with the girls' best interest at heart. She sacrificed everything for them and now Teddy was going to undo all of that. Their hearts were going to be broken.

When she arrived at the hotel with Bucky later that day, she saw Liam in the lobby.

 _Hit number six._

Liam is the last person she wanted to see. It was only three weeks ago they had that enormous fight. She basically told him to fuck off. She didn't need him to succeed. Partners didn't go behind each other's backs. Well, Deacon never did. The last thing she needed right now was to deal with this guy. At the very least though, she was a professional. She did what she could to continually rise above all the crap that came along with being the queen of country. She always hated that title. She hated it even more when she didn't act like it.

She missed her cue. She froze on stage.

 _Hit number seven._

Whether it was her first time performing at the Bluebird, the first time at a music festival, the first time with double ears in, the first time her mix minus was bad, the first time she played a stadium show, the first time Deacon didn't show up, she NEVER froze on stage.

She couldn't concentrate. She couldn't focus. She was hearing everything in front of her, and in her ears as muffled. All she could hear was Teddy asking for a divorce. All she could hear was her girls' hearts breaking into small pieces. She couldn't let him do that to her. She was better than that. She heard her cue again, and fell into a groove.

After the show and congratulatory wishes, Deacon catches her eye and he calls her out.

"You are not fine."

 _Hit number eight._

He does care. She hates that he cares now, because now, she can't do this with him. She will break into a million pieces if she tells him he was right. She should have never married Teddy because like she gave up on Deacon (or so he thought), Teddy gave up on her. She was not going to lose it at an afterparty. She needed to get out of there. She needed to get drunk. Deacon was not the person to oblige her in that simply luxury.

So, she does exactly that. She drinks too much. She tells Liam too much. She lowers her inhibitions too much. She flirts too much. She feels the need to feel wanted. She feels the need to feel attractive. She feels the need to prove that men still want her, even if her own husband doesn't.

She kissed Liam. She followed Liam into his room. She humiliated herself in front of Liam.

 _Hit number nine._

She stared at herself in the mirror in a hotel bathroom, not recognizing the mess that stared back. Her eyes are dazed, her makeup is smudged and she can see the desperation in her eyes. She was pathetic. Then, she can't help but sob as quietly as possible. Thankfully Liam is there for her. He is there in the way that Deacon used to be there. She hates that it's not Deacon, but loves Liam for being a friend in that moment.

The next morning, she said her goodbyes to Liam in the lobby, unaware that Deacon was watching her. She was so grateful for Liam and not taking advantage of what she really needed. Like she said the previous evening, she needed to get away from her life for a bit. Liam granted that escape for a bit.

So, when they were out by the buses, Deacon jabbed her with a comment about last night. She knew he made assumptions about her relationship with Liam and he was pissed and frankly, she didn't care. She couldn't deal with him, on top of everything else. So, when she challenged him, asking what the hell he wanted from her, his response hit her like a ton of bricks.

"Nothing Rayna. Not a damn thing." He didn't need her.

 _Hit number ten._

The ironic part is that she never stopped needing him. She needed him to give her confidence when they first were starting out. She needed him to make her feel like a woman, and not the uncertain girl that her father thought of her. She need him to get sober. She needed him to protect her. She needed him in her band. She needed him like she needed air.

She went home and she and Teddy waited for the girls. This was the moment that would destroy them. It wasn't until after a very long conversation, a lot of tears, even more questions, that Maddie unknowingly opened a whole other dimension of her marriage. In her bedroom, Maddie asked her if the reason she and Teddy were splitting up was because of 'that woman', she overheard him on the phone with.

Teddy Conrad was a cheat and a liar.

 _Hit number eleven._

Rayna hugged her daughter in that moment, more because she was the one in need of comfort. When she went to bed that night, all she could think about were her previous conversations with Teddy regarding Peggy Kenter. She remembered the conversation they had in their kitchen, when she came face to face with her. She alerted Teddy then, that she was aware of Peggy's motive.

She thought about the pictures that surfaced. Teddy promised her the pictures were taken out of context. How dumb was she to believe him? They were probably fucking then. They are probably still fucking now. If Rayan wanted to play devil's advocate, she couldn't really blame him. They hadn't had sex in months. When she masturbated, she never thought of him. How stupid could she be?

The next day after confronting Teddy at his office and accusing Tandy of being in the know, she witnesses first hand that her life was no longer private.

Tabloids.

 _Hit number twelve._

Her life was displayed for all to see. They were in the supermarket and the girls witnessed it too. Her face was plastered on every shelf by the checkout. The cover of magazines talking about the divorce, about Peggy, about Liam and of course, about Deacon. She sacrificed so much to not have this happened. She gave up interviews, talk show spots, been bumped from things all because she refused to talk about anything but the music. It was the one thing she and Deacon did well together. They hid themselves from everyone.

The days following didn't seem to slow things. Juliette threw Deacon a birthday party, which royally upset Rayna. Her whole life, Rayna wanted to celebrate Deacon's birthday. Especially the years where she felt they had something to celebrate, like living. He continuously refused. They always celebrated privately. But now? Juliette was going to give him this and it killed her.

She did have her moment with him. He told her he wished he heard about the divorce from her. She got her point across. "I didn't want to drag you through it. I want to do right by you." There! She put it out there. She wanted something to progress with him in due time. She wasn't sure how long it was going to take, but she took that first step.

Rayna decided that New York was going to be a girls' trip. She took the girls and Tandy with her to log in some much need time. She loved when her girls travelled with her. It reminded her of when they were younger and they needed her way more than they likely need her now.

They checked into the hotel and decided to head out for Chinese food. That tradition, like most, started with Deacon. Rayna never tasted like Chinese food like she had when she was nineteen and in New York. It stopped being Deacon's tradition and became her girls' tradition.

After greeting some fans in the lobby, she, Tandy and the girls headed out. Rayna was putting on some winter gloves, her head down, focusing on the task when she heard Daphne squeal for Deacon. When she looked up, he was getting out of a car, with a dog in his arms and an attractive girl next to him.

The girls took the focus away from Rayna who was completely flabbergasted. He never traveled with anyone. Well, he never traveled with anyone in broad daylight like that. She wanted to refrain but couldn't help herself.

"You two working together?" She knew she shouldn't have. It wasn't any of her business.

"I'm his girlfriend." The petite girl replied.

 _Hit number Thirteen._

The worst hit of them all!

As they walked away, she felt like she was in a daze and had to clarify what the hell just happened. "Girlfriend?"

Yup." Tandy confirmed. And that is why she loved Tandy. She was the only other person that could truly understand the weight of that title. Deacon didn't do girlfriends. Thinking that title was saved for her was crazy. It was preposterous. She knew that deep inside, but the second she and Teddy decide to separate, he gets a girlfriend. She knew what she was getting – a taste of her own medicine. A thirteen year bitter taste.

Later that night during her show, she looked over and saw Maddie wrapped in Deacon's arms. _That's how it was supposed to be_ , she thought. She needed to let it go. She needed to focus on something else. But as soon as she walked off that stage, her nosiness got the best of her. She needed to know.

"I like your new girlfriend." She said, knowing how transparent she was at that moment. 'She seems nice." As if that wasn't enough, she couldn't stop herself. "Pretty serious, huh? Dog and all?" And he confirmed it. He said it might be. Getting a 'might be' from Deacon was serious! She felt like she was going to be sick.

The next day she let Maddie and Daphne do sound check. They have been asking for more so she figured this was a very safe place to loosen the reigns a bit. As if it wasn't thrilling enough to see them on stage, having Deacon there was icing on the cake.

Before the show that night, Rayna realized how little control she had of what was coming out of her mouth. With two waters and an orange in his hand, he mentions the girls and how wonderful they are. The girls should have been their talking point. She didn't know why she kept digging this hole, but she did it again. "I really like Stacey." As if that wasn't enough, the truth finally spilled from her. "I want you to be happy, Deacon." And she did. She never thought that scenario wouldn't include her.

A few days later, Tandy called Rayna to let her know that their father had a heart attack.

 _Hit number Fourteen._

As professional as she was and as tainted as her relationship was with her father, she needed to go to him. So, she cancelled her portion of the show and flew home. As she waited at the hospital, she retrieved a voicemail from Deacon. He was worried about her and she loved him for that. His voice brought a sense of comfort that was irreplaceable.

As the hours passed, the drama came. Watty came to the hospital, and within minutes, she learned that Watty was the man her mother had an affair with for years.

 _Hit number Fifteen._

Her head was spinning. She couldn't believe it. Watty was her father figure when her own father threw her out. The motive for all the things he did for her now was in question. Was she that talented? Was she that special? Or did Watty feel guilty and this was his way of making it up to her?

Rayna decided to call Deacon back. She wished he was here right now. She knew it wasn't justified, but he was there with her all that time. She wanted to share this revelation with him.

In the early hours of that morning, she felt the warmth of a hand cover her own. When her eyes fluttered open and saw Deacon knelt in front of her, her stomach fluttered too. "It sounded like you needed me", he said to her later. And she did. She really, really needed him in that moment.

Ever since that hospital room, Rayna and Deacon found a new setting to their relationship. The axis shifted a bit and although Deacon never dared ask about her marriage to Teddy, Rayna asked lots of questions about Stacey.

They were on a chartered flight when she dared the first one. "Things good with Stacey?"

"Yeah."

"You happy?"

"Yeah." He answered, afraid the conversation was going to be too awkward.

"You know, you can talk to me about her, right? It doesn't have to be awkward."

"it doesn't?" He smirked.

"No. I know we never talked about Teddy, but that was my marriage. This? You and Stacey? It's different."

"I guess."

"Tell me what you like about her."

"Are you serious?"

"Why not?

"Gee, Ray, I don't know. Because it makes me really uncomfortable?"

"It doesn't have to be."

He didn't give Rayna much on that flight, but the next one he said something that threw her off guard. They were flying back home to Nashville and Juliette was giving Deacon the evil eye over his bond with Rayna. They were having a private laugh over Juliette's immaturity when he spoke up about Stacey.

"She's not petty." He said staring out the window, before daring to bring his eyes to Rayna.

"What?" She asked, initially confused until she recalled her question from days earlier. "Stacey?"

"Yeah."

"Oh."

"See? It is weird." He dared to state the obvious.

"No. I wouldn't ever imagine you settling down with someone petty."

"It's more than that. She's easy-going. She's far removed from this business which I never thought I would like, but I do." As Deacon went on, a part of her was sorry she asked, but a part of her was curious. "She's simple and you know I like simple."

She laughed at that. Over the years Rayna always raised her nose to the girls Deacon brought around that were high maintenance. She knew they would never last, but also knew Deacon liked the challenge in bed. She wasn't stupid. It was a game for him at times. "Good. You deserve someone that is going to treat you well."

When they stepped out to the tarmac, arms linked, she felt Deacon let go of her as he embraced a sprinting Stacey into his arms. She almost forgot that Deacon wasn't hers. That gut-wrenching feeling of jealousy stung. The more she witnessed him being happy, the more she realized how much her marriage to Teddy must have killed him. She hated to see him this happy without her.

She and Bucky made good use of her time in Nashville, agreeing to meet up with Liam to work together on the album. She needed to be distracted from Deacon, and Liam was an excellent distraction.

As she knew, she and Liam were like gasoline and matches. She kissed him as soon as they were alone in the studio. This time it wasn't filled with whiskey and desperation. It was fun and hot and when she told Tandy about it, she brushed it off.

"Just have a fling."

"Yeah…" She said skeptically. "It's just…"

"What?"

"I don't know." She thought about the fact that she never really had a fling with anyone. She could flirt, she could tease, but she never ever had to follow through on it. She went from Deacon's bed into Teddy's and that was it. "He is really hot." She contemplated out loud.

"Trust me. If you leave your emotions out of it. You'll be fine. It will feel liberating."

So, when Liam asks her to go to St. Lucia with him, she decided to consider it. Why not? She is separated and getting a divorce, Teddy is fucking Peggy. Deacon is fucking Stacey. There was no good reason to say no, other than that she was a little intimidated by the whole thing. It was the fear of the unknown, but maybe Tandy was right.

Liam was her lead guitarist at the Bridgestone that following evening. He really was hot. He was young, attractive, fun and sexy as hell. He had this bad boy routine down pat and she was drawn to it. When an audience member screamed out "Postcard from Mexico", she laughed it off.

"That's an old one. Liam doesn't know the old ones."

Especially that one. She and Deacon hadn't played that song live on stage in years. In front of thousands and thousands of people, they would get lost in each other in such inappropriate ways. It was fine when they were dating, grabbing each other, rubbing up against each other. But in the years she was married, they steered clear of that song, knowing it always ended up with her back slammed up against a wall somewhere close to the steps of the stage.

She was shocked when Liam started to strum the first couple of chords to the song, and it was easier than she thought. It was easy for her to just turn all that pent of sexual energy and give it to someone other than Deacon.

Yes, St. Lucia was going to be fun.

After the show, she planned to leave with Liam for home so she could go pack. As she walked out of her dressing room, she saw Stacey clearly irritated with Deacon. She was able to interpret that she was trying to get away from him and he was following her. He had a certain tone in his voice when he caught up to her and Rayna certainly knew what that sounded like.

Desperation.

She heard it a million times before in the days where he chose whiskey over her and then begged for her forgiveness the next day. These thoughts shuffled through her brain as she watched the scene play out in front of her.

She saw Deacon was hurting, but when she caught Stacey's eyes staring at her, she knew that whatever was going on between them, it was bigger than the two of them. When Stacey threw her hands up in frustration and walked away, Rayna asked if he was okay. He responded with a quick 'yeah', a few pacing steps and then a sudden 'no'.

In an effort for some privacy, she walked backwards behind a supporting beam and asked what was wrong and his answered confirmed for her that timing was not their forte.

"You."

 _Hit number Sixteen._

As Deacon rambled about them and the way he feels, she realized she couldn't take it anymore. She couldn't play these games anymore. It was all too much. Everything that has gone on over the past few weeks was too much to bear, even for her.

So, she let him go. She told him to make things right with Stacey. She was going to have her fling with Liam. It was better this way.

But was it?

Liam dropped her at home and as she pulled out her small suitcase, she started to pack. Crazy thoughts started to flood her mind. Was Deacon truly happy without her?

How many flip flops should she bring? Did Deacon Really mean what he said?

How many bathing suits should she pack? Was fighting what was always between them worth it?

What kind of lingerie would she bring? Was now supposed to be their time and she was making a mistake running off with Liam?

What color evening shoes did she need? Did she need to go tell him she changed her mind?

The thoughts were irrational. Could she go to him right now? Would he even be home? Would Stacey be there? Would he welcome it? Would he send her away? Would Liam hate her?

She had enough hits. She couldn't take anymore. She need to be in control of what was happening in her life.

The bottom line was she needed to tell him what was going on in her heart and hopefully the thoughts in her head would catch up. She hustled down the steps, threw on her scarf, grabbed her keys and headed out. For a split second, she paused in the driveway and wondered if this was a bad idea, but quickly shoved that thought somewhere in the back of her mind. At the very least, he would know how she felt. Thirteen years of not being able to say it was now all consuming in that moment.

When she arrived, she only saw Deacon's car, silently praying that was a sign that Stacey was not there. She knocked once, her stomach doing flip flops in anticipation of what was about to happen. When he opened the door, her eyes immediately went to his body and then back to his face.

"Hey." She said.

"Hey." He said back, not hiding the surprise in his voice.

She blinked, trying to figure out how to start. "Are you by yourself?" It wasn't until that moment that she realized how awkward it would be if Stacey was actually there. How would she explain coming to his door after midnight?

He looked at her, confused. "What's going on, Ray?"

"I was at home, packing for St. Lucia and it just didn't feel right. And, I know you are trying to move on with your life and I'm trying to move on with my life, but…" She started to shake her head. It was his first indication that she didn't agree with her words. Her eyes searched for how to say it. It used to be so easy. She stopped her herself, gained control and looked at him in those blue eyes she loved. "….I love you. That's never not been true." She shrugged her shoulders, admitting defeat in the hard fight she put up against them for over a decade.

Deacon's eyes widened with surprise. He couldn't believe she was here on his doorstep making this proclamation. For years, this scenario only happened in his wildest dreams. "Are you trying to kill me?" He yelled at her. "What are you doing?"

"What?"

"Two hours ago, you were getting on an airplane plane with Liam. You told me to get back with Stacey?" He was angry. All he wanted was for her, once and for all, make up her damn mind.

"Yeah, I know." She stuttered trying to interrupt him, explain her feelings to him.

But he was furious. "Now you are standing right here on my porch and you're telling me this now?" He took a step closer to her, his eyes wild and confused.

"I love you!" She said with the fierce fire that was buried deep within her heart. "That is the truth." Her voice cracked as It all erupted out of her. "And you can do with that what you will, but I needed to let you know and so I did." She put it all out there. It was his choice now. There was no uncertainty.

Deacon pursed his lips, but said nothing. She hated that he didn't respond. She turned on her heal and started to walk away. A thousand thoughts were swirling through her head, as she felt Deacon's eyes on her.

Then she heard it. That one word that came out in a single hitch of breath. "Hey." It was his way of calling her back and she knew exactly what it meant. Years of 'heys' and each had a different meaning.

She quickly spun around and briskly walked back to him as he stepped closer to her and out of his doorway, making an effort too. Her hands grabbed the back of his head, and his arms circled around her back as they pulled each other as close as possible.

It was their first kiss in fourteen years if you didn't count the elevator a few weeks back. It was their first kiss that was intentional and calculated on both sides. It was their first kiss where there was no end in sight. She knew this kiss was not going end with just a kiss.

It felt liberating. It felt as good as she remembered it always could have been. He pushed her a bit and he leaned into her and she pushed him back, desperate to get off his porch and inside his house. Her hands slipped under his arms and grabbed his shoulders, holding on for dear life. He walked her backward and into his house. He had no intention of stopping.

Rayna felt in control of what was happening. She was keenly aware what was happening and trying to savor every moment of what Deacon felt like against her. When they were in the elevator, the shock of his boldness didn't allow her mind to catch up with what was happening in her body. She was not going to let that happen tonight. She was going to savor it.

He opened his mouth and she gladly let him slip his tongue in her mouth, playing with hers. Their kisses were so slow, both never wanting to let it end. She started to unbutton his shirt, making no mistake that she wanted this to end with no clothes and no regrets.

When she finished he quickly unbuttoned her shirt and she watched his hands work, an expertise he mastered in the years with her and all the years without her. Her eyes moved to his face, the look of determination he wore, sexy as hell.

She slid the lapels of his shirt slowly off his shoulders, admiring his toned chest, her eyes not able to tear away from his body. She felt his hands, circle her waist, and move lower to run over her ass, before sliding upwards to pull out her tucked in shirt.

It was slow. It was deliberate. It was hot.

When her shirt was hanging open, they both stepped back to admire each other's bodies. This vision was something neither of them thought they would ever see again. When Rayna saw the bulge straining against his jeans, she pulled Deacon gently by the belt closer to her and started to unbuckle it.

Her need for him suddenly rushed to her core. Once his belt was undone, and she made quick work of the button and zipper. She pushed her breasts against his bare chest. The only material that was between the, was the thin lace of her grey bra.

They both opened their mouths as their kisses became lustful. This was the point of no return. They tasted each other's desires as he walked them backward on his couch and made love so intensely they were left breathless and speechless.

Rayna couldn't remember a kiss that carried so much meaning of love, and thought nothing would compare. She was wrong. It wasn't until a year and a half later that he took her breath away and left her legs wobbly, standing in her kitchen breathless and speechless.

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